Driving it Home
by El Burrito
Summary: Scott proposes another mateship activity: forcing Kitty, Pyro, Bobby, Rogue, Jubilee and Logan to play golf with him.


I really, really need to study. Reeeeeally. Huge exams all week from tomorrow… but… pull of fan fiction… too… strong…

So yeah, I did end up continuing Hook, Line and Sinker. It was just way too fun not to.

I'm going to fail at life. And German. Especially German.

eB

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Pyro rolled over sleepily, turning toward the door. What the hell was that irritating rattling? He turned politely to Bobby who was lying in his own bed, between Pyro and the door.

"Hey dickhead," he growled, "What the hell's rattling?"

"Huh?" Bobby jolted awake, "What'cha-? What's that rattling?"

Both boys turned to the door, which was not only locked, but frozen with ice. The door-knob was turning back and forth, as someone tried to get in.

The two of them looked at each other.

"Who is it?" Pyro called warily.

"It's Scott. Can I come in?"

"Holy crap!" Bobby hissed, and then, as if Pyro couldn't hear, "It's Scott!" He raised his voice to call to Scott, "Um, no… we're um…" he looked desperately to Pyro, who mirrored his wide-eyed expression, "Getting changed!"

"Ah, come on," Scott chuckled companionably, "What have you two got that I don't?"

"Dicks!" Pyro shouted back.

"John! Look, that's exactly the kind of behaviour and rudeness that I plan to eliminate… with today's mateship-building activity!" he announced it like it was some huge treat.

Pyro and Bobby both groaned, burying their heads in their pillows.

"Anyway, get ready and I'll meet you in the garage in half an hour so we can set off!"

"Where are we going?" Bobby asked.

"Oh, you'll see."

"But what do we wear?"

"Oh, um…" Scott was almost defeated. Almost. "Well, just dress nicely. Nice and neat. Semi-formal. Casual." They heard his footsteps receding as they struggled to work out what the hell kind of clothes that included.

Scott hurried down the hall to the room Kitty and Rogue shared. He knocked, and, unlike the boys' room, was immediately greeted with a friendly, "Come in!"

He opened the door and stepped in. Kitty and Rogue were sitting cross-legged on their beds in their pyjamas, each nursing a bowl of cereal, and watching TV. He opened his mouth, then noticed the tall Asian girl sprawled sideways in the armchair in the corner.

"Never mind," he burst quickly, leaping for the door. But he wasn't fast enough.

"Mr Summers!" Jubilee bellowed, leaping from her chair, "How ya doing? Haven't seen you in ages! What's up?"

"I just, um, wanted to speak with Rogue and Kitty, but it can wait," Scott mumbled, edging away from her.

"It shouldn't have to! What is it? Rogue, Kitty, Scott wants to talk to yooou," Jubilee announced in sing-song.

"What is it, Mr Summers?" Kitty asked.

All three were watching him. He'd have to tell them, and just hope Jubilee wouldn't want to come.

"I've just, um, arranged another mateship day for you two."

"REALLY?" Jubilee exploded, as though he hadn't purposely excluded her, "What is it? I was so sad to miss the first one!"

"It's um…just a round of golf. You know, walking around, being quiet, standing still…"

"_Great_! I _love _golf! Just let me get ready…" she dashed back to her own room.

"We're um, meeting in half an hour. In the garage." Defeated, Scott left their room.

"But you _have _to come! You can't just leave us with Scott!" Kitty and Rogue had cornered Logan in the hall. He was laughing his head off that they'd been trapped into another mateship building day.

"Wasn't me who was up at midnight screwing around."

"Yes it was! You suggested the game, and were in the kitchen getting beer when Scott came out."

"Sorry, let me rephrase. Wasn't me got caught."

"But who's going to drive us home when we get sick of Scott and kill him?"

"I dunno. Pyro?"

"But Pyro's driving is… scary!"

"Jubes is coming!" Rogue offered.

Logan grinned despite himself. He looked half-convinced. "Yeah? How'd Scott let that happen?"

"Well, try saying no to Jubes any time. It'll be hilarious! Please come!"

Logan shrugged. "Love to, but I've already got plans."

"Does it involve getting drunk and hitting on Jean?"

"It might."

"Well too bad. Jean's coming with us."

"She is?" Rogue and Logan asked Kitty at the same time.

"Uh huh. I saw them in their room. Scott was trying to convince Jean that her skirt was way too short and inappropriate for golf."

Rogue rolled her eyes. Did Kitty think Logan was a moron? He'd see straight through…

"Well, if Jubes is coming, then, hell why would I miss out?" The lecherous grin on his face made it clear just who he was going for. "I'll go tell Scott."

Twenty minutes later they were all standing in front of the car. Scott was decked out in baggy, red, tartan pants, a smart pink polo shirt and a tartan hat, matching his pants, with a pompom. Bobby, in his interpretation of Scott's orders, wore black trousers, plain white shirt, dinner jacket and tie. Pyro wore his old, stained, ripped 'Pokemon' shirt with dirty brown corduroy pants. Logan, who was glancing about for Jean, wore tight leather pants and an even tighter (who'd have guessed that was possible?) white singlet. Jubilee's shirt cut off at about her bottom rib, and her striped shorts were ridiculously short.

"Well, if the whole crew's here, let's get going!" Scott exclaimed.

Logan glared at Kitty over the car, his knives exploding from his hands to puncture the car. Scott yelped, as Kitty smiled innocently, sliding into the backseat. Logan practically wrenched the door off as he threw himself in beside Kitty, eyeing her murderously. Scott, whimpering, was lovingly running his hand over the holey door. Pyro took the opportunity to launch himself into the front seat. "I'm driving!" he declared cheerfully.

"NO!" Everyone screamed in unison, but he was already putting his seatbelt on and turning the keys in the ignition.

Rogue sat in the passenger seat, away from any unwanted skin-to-skin contact. Bobby and Kitty squashed together in the one seat, to make room for Scott beside Logan, who was still rubbing his claws together and muttering dangerously.

Scott finally turned from his damaged car, to see that the only seat available was beside Logan, in the back. Then he saw Pyro in the drivers' seat.

"Oh no," he wailed, shaking his head urgently, "No, no, no no no no no no!"

"Come on Mr Summers! Jump in, or we'll be late to the course!" Pyro grinned.

He sunk weakly into his seat, before noticing Jubilee, who was still standing outside.

"Oh, Jubilee. I'm sorry, it doesn't look like there's room! Next time, I promise-" Scott could barely keep the glee from his voice.

"Oh, don't be silly Scottie! There's plenty of room!" she giggled, jumping onto his lap. And Jubilee was not a small girl. She piled her entire lanky frame onto Scott, and pulled the door shut. "Let's go, John!"

The course was two hours' drive away. They got there in twenty minutes. They were all shaking and pale, except Pyro and Jubilee who leapt out, grinning. The door swung open and Kitty and Bobby fell to the ground, whispering about how much they loved land. Scott was running around his car, examining every new dint and scratch (and there were a lot of them).

"So," Pyro stretched his muscles lazily, "Shall we go check in?"

The other stared at him, speechless.

"Right. Right, I suppose…" Scott cast one final, pitiful glance at his car, before turning away, "Yes."

While Scott was hiring clubs and balls, the others fanned out through the room. Jubilee managed to knock a huge teetering display of brand new golf clubs to the ground within seconds of walking in, and was sent to sit quietly in a chair by Scott. She fell off the chair and onto a desk, which broke. Bobby and Pyro had found a jar of candy which read 'take one' and were stuffing themselves. Logan was watching Kitty and Rogue looking at golf club bags and struggling to keep his claws sheathed.

When they were all booked in, Scott turned back to them, grinning. "Right-o! eighteen holes! Let's go!"

One high-spirited cyclops, one pissed-off wolverine, one overly-energetic mutant and four sullen, reluctant teenagers strolled out to the first hole.

"Right!" Scott clapped his hands, "Who's first? Kitty?"

"I'll go, Mr Summers," Jubilee volunteered, "Show them how it's done."

"Oh yeah, we really need instruction from you," Pyro rolled his eyes.

"I'll have you know I have plenty of experience. I'm quite a master, actually."

"Well so do I. And I seriously doubt that _you _are a master."

"What's that supposed to mean? I'll show _you _who's not a master!"

"I can see you from here."

"Ooh, real tough, John. Let's see how tough you are when I'm walking away top-scorer."

Pyro burst into laughter.

"Shut up you jerk! You really think you can beat me?"

"Can and will!"

"I'm hearing a lot of talk! Step up then, Johnnie!"

Pyro, his eye on Jubilee, tore a club from Scott's hand, and belted the ball out to the horizon. He turned smugly to Jubilee, who ripped it from him and smacked her own ball after his.

"Ooh, two fine shots!" Scott praised them, but they weren't listening, and were instead staring at each other, self-satisfied, each convinced that their own shot was better. "Who's up next?"

"I'll go," Bobby volunteered, stepping forward. He smiled over at Rogue, checking that she was watching, and swung the club as hard as he could. The ball fell off and flew a few feet, coming to rest no more than three metres from them.

"BAHAHAHAHA!" Pyro broke from arguing with Jubilee for a moment to laugh his head off at Bobby's terrible shot. Iceman shot a wounded glance over at Rogue, who was struggling not to smile, embarrassed for him. He slunk a few steps away.

"Rogue? Going to show your boyfriend how it's done?"

Iceman whimpered at Scott's joking comment. Rogue awkwardly hit the ball. It flew steadily toward the green, not quite as accurate or as far as Pyro or Jubilee had hit theirs, but it was a good shot all the same.

"Well done Rogue!" Scott clapped enthusiastically, "Looks like you're a natural! Well, Kitty, looks like it's your turn!"

"I, um-" Kitty mumbled, "I kind of wanted to, um-" she was watching Pyro and Jubilee as she tried to wriggle out of it.

"Come on!" Scott was impervious to her reluctance.

"I really… I mean, I'm kind of… not that good at sports."

"Just hit the damn ball so I can prove to Jubilee that my shot was wicked cool and hers was a pile of steaming-"

"If that's what you think will happen then-"

"Oh I _know-" _

As Pyro and Jubilee returned to their bickering, Kitty approached the tee and tentatively took the club from Scott. She held it back, and knocked it from the tee. The club swung clean over it, but came back with just as much force and the ball flew behind them, into the car park. Into Scott's car. Those shopping in the clubhouse heard his squeal.

"Sorry," Kitty cringed, "I'm really, as I said, not that good."

"Hey, looks like Iceman will have some competition for last place!" Pyro laughed. Iceman whimpered some more. Kitty cringed as she ran to retrieve her ball.

"Wait up, Shadowcat!" Scott called, "We play through!"

"But-but it's…" Kitty pleaded dismally. But Scott wasn't one to bend his rules for miserable young girls.

"We play through."

"So, Logan, you want to go next, or shall I?"

"What?" Logan had been enjoying Kitty's misery, "Oh. Um, yeah, whatever. You go."

Scott, keeping perfect posture as he swung his club, smacked a reasonable shot out somewhere between Rogue's and Pyro and Jubilee's balls.

Logan grunted. "Huh. Lemme show you how a real man plays golf."

"Not at all?" Kitty frowned, "Isn't golf a little girly in itself to match up to the macho image of this 'real man' that you… never mind," she finished in a small voice as the full force of Logan's black glare of pure hatred hit her.

Logan bashed the ball (and a truckload of dirt) out as far as his super-strength would allow him. It went well, well beyond the hole. Scott was smirking as Logan turned back around, and insisted Logan retake the shot. His next ball landed right next to Scott's. The smirk was gone.

"Well. We'll go with whoever's furthest. Kitty?" he instructed loudly, "Your shot was definitely the furthest from the hole ha ha ha, take it away."

Kitty mutely took the club and walked back to her ball. She drew the club back, straight into the drivers' door of Scott's car. He winced. So did she. She levered the club underneath the ball and flicked it up. It sailed within an inch of the back of Logan's head as he looked out toward the hole, and as she flinched at the thought of what he would do to her if she pissed him off any more, she brought the back of the club straight into the window of the once-shiny blue car. It didn't shatter or anything, but a huge crack split it in half. Scott appeared to be trying to devour his own hand.

"I um, we had to… play through," she said by way of explanation. Scott nodded dumbly, making a pencil note on his scorecard. He underlined it twice. Kitty wished that the ground being able to swallow you up was as helpful as most books and people thought it was.

"So. Next shot that was a ball of shite… that would be you, Iceman!" Pyro announced cheerfully.

They caught the end of whatever Bobby was saying to Rogue, "And I'm just out of practice, you know, I mean, even the pros have a bad shot every now and then, it was just one bad shot, I really am quite as good as I told you-"

"Um, Bobby," Rogue cut him off, "I think it's your turn."

"Oh, right." He grinned at her, and swaggered down to his ball. Kitty's lay a few metres in front of it. He drew his arm back and suddenly screamed, "HOLY CRAP IS THAT JESUS?" staring at some point beyond them. They turned to look, saw nothing but an ordinary course, and turned back. Bobby's ball was flying away down the hill. Bobby himself stood with one arm held out in front of him, as though he'd just thrown something. His club was discarded by his side.

"Nice shot, Iceman," Logan praised him, one eyebrow raised.

"Thankyou," Bobby replied with as much dignity as he could muster, walking back to stand next to Rogue.

"Alright. Kitty again?"

Kitty sighed, and walked to her ball, head down miserably. The first swing missed the ball completely. The second sent it rolling thirty centimetres or so. When Scott gestured for her to continue, she finally managed a substantial hit. It wasn't on the green or anything, but it was closer than Bobby's.

Bobby swallowed audibly, wide-eyed, when he realised that it was his shot again. He glanced slyly at Rogue, and approached the ball. He got to "HOLY CRAP IS THAT-" before Logan cut him off with a "Nice try. Hit the damn ball."

His shot wasn't awful. Not completely awful. In fact, it was quite a nice shot… only it was in the wrong direction. And it only got a few metres in said wrong direction before it hit a tree. Coincidentally, Jubilee was trying to stuff Pyro's head into a hole in the exact same tree at that moment. Scott ran forward to fight Jubilee away from him and pry Pyro out as Bobby took his next shot.

It was beautiful. It was one of those shots the pros hope for; flying up into the sky and bouncing softly somewhere near the hole. Only no one was watching. Bobby turned around, his eyes shining with pride…

"-you stupid bitch I'll KILL you-"

"John, John, Jubilee, John!" Scott was tearing after Pyro, who was hurling balls of flame at the girl. Rogue, Kitty and Logan watched, laughing.

"Guys?" Bobby tried to catch their attention, "Guys?" They turned around grudgingly. "I hit it! Really, I did!"

A few minutes later, when Scott was lying on the ground, Pyro pinned helplessly under him under he settled down, they continued. After several Kitty shots, then an average shot from Rogue, then four more Kitty shots, it was on to someone new. Only problem was, they had reached Logan and Scott's balls, and there was seemingly no way to tell who was closer.

"It's me," Scott answered confidently, "I can tell."

"Right, you can use your mutant power of cheating. Mine's clearly nearer."

"Guys," Jubilee, who was getting antsy to see if her shot was indeed better than Pyro's, as she'd been chanting, broke in, "It really doesn't matter!"

"Yes it does. I'm closer, therefore it's Scooter's turn," Logan growled.

"Ok. Ok, since it doesn't matter..." Scott held out a fist.

Logan grinned excitedly and drew his own back, his claws sliding out.

"No! No, no, no!" Scott flinched away, "Geez, you maniac. I mean we'll decide through rock, paper, scissors."

"This how you decide all the big mutant decisions? I say we accept Magneto's terms, but you disagree… hmm… the usual?" Logan imitated Scott and Dr. X. "Or even with Jean? Hey Jean, you in the mood for-"

"Logan! Christ, can we just play the game?"

"-well, look's like it's back to the usual. Rock, paper, SCISSORS… oh damn, you win, look's like I'll have to-"

"Logan! Shut up!" Scott was looking desperately from Logan to the amused kids. "Fine, fine, I'll go."

The two men got through their shots in about ten seconds. Then it was back to Kitty. Several minutes later, they were ready to approach the green.

Pyro and Jubilee ran ahead, still screaming insults at one another. When the others caught up, they found a jubilant Jubilee and a bitter Pyro. Jubilee's ball was about two metres from the hole, Pyro's about three.

Kitty's was still furthest, and three shots later, finally a few inches in front of Scott and Logan, who were about fifty metres from the hole. They shot, Kitty shot six more times, and everyone was on the green. Bobby was up next.

He was busily attempting to juggle golf balls for Rogue, who looked far from impressed. That was probably because he wasn't very good. The ground around him was covered in balls he'd dropped, and he kept hitting his own hands and feet and yelping.

"Bobby," Scott called to get his attention, then motioned to the ball.

Bobby took a deep breath as he approached. "Just a tap. Not a belt, just a tap." His shot was just a tap. The ball sluggishly rolled a few centimetres, then came to a stop. Glancing quickly over at Rogue, he hit it again. This time it was much too hard, and rolled straight past the hole.

"Jesus!" Pyro exclaimed, "Can't you people play at all?"

"You people, as if you're not one of them!" Jubilee snorted.

"Christ woman, you beat me at one shot and you-"

Bobby tried to tune their arguing out as he stepped forward, and finally got his ball ahead of Scott's. Scott took his shot, which swept cleanly past everyone's to settle on the edge of the hole. Bobby's next shot followed Scott's, falling a few metres short. Everyone turned to Kitty. She was frowning at the ground.

"You know, if you apply Newton's rule of force and propulsion-" she was muttering as she stepped forward, and spent about thirty seconds staring at the club in her hands, before stepping forward and sending the ball gliding into the hole. Everyone froze, shocked. Kitty giggled a little self-consciously, moving back into the group again.

It was Logan's turn. He stepped forward, concentrating, drew his club back and…

"JUBILEE!" Scott's bellow had birds flying from trees back at the academy. The back of his shirt was burning and his skin sizzling. Jubilee paid no attention to him, concentrating as she was on hurling golf balls at Pyro, which exploded as they travelled through the air. Pyro in turn turned the fire these created against her, sending them whizzing back at her. Logan's ball rolled a few measly centimetres as he and everyone dove for cover as the flaming golf balls flew threw the air. Kitty phased quickly, allowing one to pass straight through her.

"Stop! Stop!" Scott was screaming, running at first one then the other, and backing off as they used their respective power. Rogue was shrieking and rolling on the ground, her hair a mass of flames. Logan tried to stomp them out, copping several balls in the back of the head and extracting far more screams from Rogue.

Pyro ran by then, sprinting from a handful of explosives, and Logan reached out an arm easily and coathangered him, allowing Pyro to run straight into it and fall to the ground, clutching his throat and choking. Jubilee, seizing on his weakness, ran over, pegging exploding balls down at him, until Logan grabbed her by the stomach and hurled her to the ground. Scott leapt in, dragging her away from Pyro, and copped a ball in the forehead. Just for good measure, Logan grabbed a golf club and nailed Kitty in the back as she tentatively phased back into solidity. She dropped like a brick.

Logan, the only member of the group still on his feet, surveyed the group of injured kids (and Scott), suddenly frowning as he noticed the absence of Bobby.

"Is it over now?" a small voice asked from up a nearby tree, which was surrounded by a barricade of ice.

"Get down here, you girl," Logan grunted, "Let's go home."

Twenty minutes later they were all slumped in the car while Scott tried to explain the holes and scorch marks and still-burning fires out on the green. It didn't help that he had a big round circle of char on his forehead.

Kitty was now the one muttering murderously and eyeing a satisfied Logan, rubbing her back. Jubilee, who was leaning back on Kitty in the backseat, was talking companionably with Pyro, who was leaning on the open door, the arguments of the day forgotten. Rogue, her hair severely shorter and blacker, was ignoring Bobby completely.

"Man, he's taking forever," Pyro suddenly complained. "Let's go home. He can… fly or something. I'll drive."

"Nah ah, no way are you driving!" Jubilee protested immediately, "If anyone's to ditch Scott here, it'll be me. He likes me anyway."

"You wish! Like you have any of my driving skill, you-"

Logan rolled his eyes as Kitty phased away and Bobby fled from the car, pushing Rogue aside in his haste to get away.


End file.
